You can hear them more than you can feel them. That’s where the vibrations are concentrated, although the word concentrated makes it seem like they are perceptible, which they barely are. Turns out, you’re supposed to use the smaller end of this amorphous blob. I have to pry it open with some random object on my desk… or hand it to my boyfriend, who can open it in. The toy is made with velvet cote plastic and is IMPOSSIBLE TO OPEN. (Okay, that’s a lie.)įor $36 you get a purple satin storage bag, 2 AAAs, and a toy covered in black fuzz from the packaging. LifeStyles A:Museĭid they just really like the fact that the word “muse” is embedded in the word “amuse”? Why not just name the vibrator “Muse”? “ A:Muse” is incorrect anyway, as there is nothing funny about a badly-designed vibrator.

Who the fuck decided that was a good idea?Īt $47, the Tri-Phoria is the most expensive vibe in this round-up. The only real problem is that the buttons are hard to press and you have to cycle all the way down through the settings to turn the thing off.

Unfortunately, it’s also loud, but all three of these vibes are. It’s… almost deep, at least compared to the others. I was flabbergasted to feel the strength this thing put out, and a bit embarrassed at how much I liked it. The Tri-Phoria has five vibration strengths and several patterns. The bumpy tip is too harsh for me I like the flat one the most. The bumpy plastic tip is for folks who like pocket rocket style tips, while one silicone tip is for general pinpoint stimulation and the other is flatter and milder. The marketing explains that “the three tips imitate your favorite sensations - firm pressure, tongue-like flickering and gentle focused stimulation,” which I feel is ACTUALLY ALMOST TRUE (minus the tongue thing and the disconcerting lack of an Oxford comma). The Tri-Phoria comes with three interchangeable tips - two made of silicone, one made of hard plastic - that screw easily onto the end of the toy. It takes a mere one AA, so I have no idea why the base is so chunky. The base is wide and rounded, so it can’t stand up on its own, and I do not find it ergonomic to hold. This vibe comes with a black satin bag with purple lining.

They unfold in a stupid manner, the text looks like a flood warning or something (seriously, every section is prefaced with a PRECAUTION about something, like that this vibrator will not protect against STIs or pregnancy), and the language is clinical.

And its instructions are hands-down the worst of the three. The Tri-Phoria’s box did not want me to open it in this lifetime, AS YOU CAN SEE. So I’ll be tackling the non-disposable offerings, just in case you are ever wandering the drugstore aisles in a small town, desperate for something that vibrates - and doesn’t die when you need it most. How could I resist trying the device born of such a revelation?Īnd while I was at it, I thought, why not try the other two attempts at “real” vibrators made by Durex and LifeStyles? All these companies make disposable crap that takes terrible batteries (these ones are easily sniffed out by locating the refrain “20 minutes of quivering pleasure” on the packaging), but I’m not selfless enough to try those. They kept telling us vibrators, vibrators. James Daniels, vice president for marketing at Trojan, said: “ The idea really came from consumers. The newest model on the shelves is the Tri-Phoria, created by the condom company Trojan after a study the company conducted in 2008 in partnership with the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University revealed that over half of American women had used vibrators, and of that group, nearly 80 percent had shared them with their partners.

Trojan purple vibe